Funny Chutkule Hindi Jokes



Teacher : Sabse Zyada Calcium Kiske Dudh Mein Hota Hai,
Santa : 18 Saal Ki Ladki Ke Dudh Mein,
Teacher : Wo Kaise Batao ?
Santa : Wo Dudu Peene Lagte Hi Jism Ke Jis Hisse,
Mein Haadi Nahi Hoti Usme Bhi Jaan Aa Jaati Hai. 


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Rajender : Guru Ji Aap Mujhe Sanskrit Sikha Do,
Guru Ji : Kyu Kya Karoge Iska,
Rajender : Ye Bhagwano Ki Bhasa H Swarg Mein Jaunga To Jarurat Padegi,
Guru Ji : Are Tum Nark Mein Gaye To,
Rajender : Aap Tnsn Na Lo Behan Ki Tatt, Punjabi To Aati Hi Hai. 


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Sonu : Tum Niche Ke Baal Kaise Saaf Karte Ho,
Monu : Razaor Se Aur Tum,
Sonu : Jarurat Hi Nahi,
Monu : Kyu ???
Sonu : Biwi Baat Hi Aisi Krti Jaante Sulag Jaati Hai.



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Banta Udhar Se Nikla Or Santa Se Rone Ka Karn Puchne Laga,
Santa – Aaj Subah Mera Kutta Mar Gaya,
Banta – Dekho Meri Dadi Ko Mere Ek Saptah Ho Gaya Hai,
Main Kaha Rota Hoon,
Santa – Tumhe Apni Dadi Ko Mere Kutte Ke Pille,
Ki Umar Se Paal Pos Kar Badha To Nahi Karna Padha Tha. 



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Jis Din Aap Mere Ghar Aayi Uss Din Hi,
Mere Yaha Chori Ho Gayi,
Ek Pati Ne Apni Saas Se Kaha,
Tabhi Pass Khada Unka Chota Ladka Bola,
Musibat Kabhi Akeli Nahi Aati Hai Daadi. 

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Press Ke Karmchari Ne Haal Hi Mein Hua Pardhan,
Se Interview Ke Waqt Pucha Rajniti Mein Aane Ki,
Siksha Aapko Kaise Mili ?,
Apni Lambi Berojgari Ke Baad. 


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Shopkeeper Ne Customer Se Pucha Apko Kya Chahiye,
Customer : 10 Chuhe Daniya.
Shopkeeper : Kya Aap Unhe Apne Sath Le Jayenge.
Customer : Nahi Aap Apni Dukan Ka Pata De Dijie, 
Mai Chuho Ko Yahi Bej Dunga. 


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Preeti – Maa Pitaji Ke Sar Par Baal Kyon Nahi Hain,
Maa – Beti Isliye Ki Weh Samjhdar Hain,
Preeti – Maa Tumhare Sar Par Baal Itne Bhade Kyon Hain,
Maa – Kyonki ................ Chali Ja Yahan Se Bakwas Mat Kar.



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Har Samundar Mein Sahil Nahi Hota,
Har Jahaj Mein Misail Nahi Hoti,
Agar Dhirubhai Ka Sapna Nahi Hota,
To Tere Jaiso Ke Pass Mobile Nahi Hota


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Kamla Apni Behan Ke Sath Cinema Dekhne Gayi,
Waha Do Seat Khali Thi Par Alag-Alag Line Mein Ek Ke Piche Ek,
We Sath Bethna Chah Rahi Thi, So Usne Bagal Wale Ladke,
Ko Aankho Hi Aankho Mein Jhank Kar Phir Himmat Kar Kaha,
Maaf Kijiye Kya Aap Akele Hai Bina Apni Gardan Mode Muh Ke,
Aage Hath Rakhkar Ladka Bola, Aaj Nahi Meri Badi Behan Mere Sath Hai. 


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Judge- Tumne Tank Ke Licence Ke Liye Arji Di Hai,
Pyarelal- Ji Haan Sarkar,
Judge- Tum Tank Kaha Chlaoge,
Pyarelal- Sarkar ,Baat Darasal Yeh Hai Ki Phichle Saal Beti Ki,
Shadi Par Maine 50 Man Chini Ke Permit Ki Mang Ki Thi Lekin,
Permit 5 Mann Ka Milla Tha, Maine Socha Ki Agar Mein Tank,
Ka Permit Manguga To Kam Se Kam Gun Ka Permit To Mil Hi Jayega,
Kahan Tak Kam Karenge Hujur. Ab To Dena Hi Padega. 


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Netaji- Yaar Kya Kar Rahe Ho,
Dost- Nakshe Mein Apna Desh Dundh Raha Hu,
Netaji- Hahah Dundte Raho,
Desh To Sasura Apni Jeb Mein Pada Hai. 


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Court Mein Judge Sahab Ne Jor Se Kaha–Tumhe Adalat Mein,
Kuch Aur Pesh Karna Hai Ya Advocate Badalna Hai,
Apradhi- My Lord Mere Pass Aa Kya Baccha Hai,
Jo Kuch Mere Pass Tha Weh Sab Advocate Sahab Ko Pesh Kar Chuka Hu.



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Chinki Ne Pucha - Dadi Ji Aap Badam Khati Hai Kya, 
Nahi Beti , Mere Saare Daant Jo Gir Gaye Hai,
Tab Thik Hai, Ye Badam Rakh Lijiye, 
Mein School Se Lotne Par Le Lungi. 


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Kiryana Ki Shop Ke Bahar Bhut Lambi Line Lagi Hui Thi,
Sabhi Bachain Thi Ki Shop Kab Khulegi Tabhi Ek Aadmi Tezi Se,
Aage Badha Par Isse Pahle Ki Veh Char Kadam Chalta Bhid Usse Pakadkar,
Piche Dakhel Deti Pachvi Baar Issi Tarah Piche Dhkel Diye Jane Ke Baad,
Weh Chilane Laga- Thik Hai Bhad Mein Jao, Aaj Mein Bhi Shop Nahi Kholta.



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Nurse Ne Pyarelal Se Kha – Mubarak Ho Bacha Ho Gaya Hai,
Pyarelal- Oh, Are Yeh To Btaiye Ki Bacha Razar Istemal Karega Ya Lipstick. 



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Chintu- Papa Ji Aaj Maa Ne Aapka Sara Dudh Pi Liya,
Papaa- Koi Nahi Kal Mein Unka Saara Dudh Pee Lunga,
Chintu- Tab To Chota Bhai Bhukha Hi Mar Jayega. 


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Boss - Tumne To Yeh Kah Kar Chutti Li Thi Ki Tumhe Apne Dentist,
Ke Paas Jana Hai Lekin Maine Tumhe Cinema Hall Mein Dekha Tha,
Lady - Ji Sir, Mera Mangetar Dentist Hi To Hai. Isme Meri Kya Galti Hai.



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Chinki- Mummy Dulhan Ke Bageir Bhi Shadi Hoti Hai,
Maa- Nahi Beti,
Chinki –Par Mama Ji Ki Shadi Ke Saman Ki Jo List Didi Ne Banai Hai,
Ussme Dulhan Ka Naam To Hai Hi Nahi 


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Chunilal Jee Ka Kutta Chori Ho Gaya To Unhone Akhbar Mein Add Di,
Mera Kutta Bhag Gaya Hai Ya Chori Ho Gaya Hai Uska Rang Bhura Hai,
Aur Naam Rambo Hai, Teen Din Baad Usse Doore Padne Shuru Honge,
Agle Din Kutta Chunilal Ke Ghar Ke Bahar Khada Mila. 


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Shaadi Karna Aisa Hi Hai Jaise Hotel Mein Khana Khana,
Aap Shuru Mein Apni Pasand Ki Chijo Ke Liye Table Par,
Nigahe Padne Par Lagta Hai, Tujhe Yah Chij Leni Chaiye The.


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Bantu- Maa Humare Naye Padosi Kanjush Hai,
Maa Kyu Beta Tumhe Aisa Kyu Laga,
Bantu- Aaj Unka Ladka Sirf 1 Rupey Ka Sikka Nigal Gaya Tha, 
Usse Nikalwane Ke Liye Do-Do Doctor Bulwaye. 


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Chudi Wala Rail Ke Dibbe Mein Do Chudi Ke Bundal Apne,
Sath Le Kar Ja Raha Tha, Ek Police Wala Udhar Se Nikala,
Aur Ek Bandal Par Jor Se Danda Maar Kar Pucha

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Suresh Naresh Se- Film Banane Ke Baad Aajkal Kya Kar Rahe Ho,
Naresh- Aajkal Furniture Bech Raha Hu,
Suresh- Tab To Bada Fayda Ho Raha Hoga,
Naresh- Ji Haan, Apne Ghar Ka Bechne Mein Faida Hi Hai. 

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Chinki Apne Papa Ke Sath–Sath Samachar Dekhte–Dekhte,
Bor Ho Gayi Thi, Phir Ek Din Apne Papa Se Boli-Samachar Kab Khtam Honge,
Papa- 9 Baje,
Chinki- Nahi Papa, Mein Punch Rahi Hu Jaise Buniyad Khatam Hui,
Mahabharat Khatam Hua, Waise Hi Samachar Kab Khatam Honge. 


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Bhikhari Ki Union Mein Kuch Bhikari Apna Sujhav De Rahe The,
Ek Ne Kaha- Police Hum Bhikariyo Ko Bhut Preshan Karti Hai,
Humhe Sarkar Ki Aur Se Bhikh Mangne Ka Licence Milna Chaiye,
Dusra Bola- Sarkar Ko Bhikariyo Ko Paki Dukane,
Deni Chiye Taki Hume Bhikh Mangne Idhar-Udhar N Jana Pade. 


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Kamla Ne Apni Punjabi Sheali Santo Se Kaha– Yaar Tum,
Logo Mein Har Har Baat Ko Do Baar Kyun Bola Jata Hai,
Jaise Picture-Vikchar Dekha Khana-Vana Khao, Chai-Vai Peeya,
Santo Ne Safai Dete Hua Kaha-Hum To Aisa Nahi Bolta,
Haan Jaat- Vaat Jaruri Bolta Hai. 


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Pyarelal- Yaar Aaj Gaddi Ki Letring Mein Meri Ghadi Aur Batua Gir Gaya,
Chunilal-Are Tumhe To Zanjeer Khichne Chiye Thi,
Pyarelal-Khichi To Kai Baar Lekin Har Baar Pani Hi Pani Nikala.


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Isme Kya Hai,
Bechara Chudi Wala Dukhi Hokar Bola- Hawaldar Ji,
Ek Danda Is Dusare Par Aur Mar Dijiye, Tab Inme Kuch Nahi Rahega.

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Rahul – Deepika Abhi Hum Apni Shadi Ki Baat Gupt Rakhenge,
Deepika – Nahi Main Ye Baat Apni Dost Pinko Ki Bataungi,
Kyunki Weh Kehti Thi Ki Tujhse Koi Bewkoof Hi Shadi Kar Sakta Hai. 



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Ek Writer Ne Apni Premika Ko Bataya,
Ek Upnyaas Likhne Mein, Mujhe Pure 6 Mahine,
Lag Jata Hai.

Premika : Bekar Mein Hi Samay Barbaad Karte Ho,
20-25 Rupye Mein Likha Likhaya Upnyas Mil Jata Hai. 


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Advocate Wife – Kyon Ji Fridge Or Color Tv. Kab Laoge,
Pados Waale Ghar Mein To Dono Chije Hai,
Advocate Haste Hue - Kuch Din Or Sabr Karo,
Ek Talak Ka Case Hath Me Hai Jaise Hi Uska Ghar Ujdega,
Apna Ghar Bas Jayega.



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Gaon Wala :- Dr. Ji, Kya Chashma Lag Jaane Par Me Padh Sakunga,
Doctor :- Ji Bilkul Padh Sakoge,
Gaon Wala :- Accha Hua Ki Maa-Baap Ne Nahi Padhaya,
Warna Itna Saara Paisa Kharab Chala Jaata,
Pata Nahi Log Baccho Ko School Bhejne Ki Bajaye,
Ek Accha Sa Chashma Kyu Nahi Lagwa Dete. 



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Santa :- Tum Aankhein Band Kar Ke Seeshe Ke Samne Kyu Khade Ho,
Banta :- Main Ye Dekhna Chahta Hoon,
Ki Sote Waqt Me Kaisa Lagta Hu. 



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Preeto :- Raamu, Aaj Tumne Bahut Keemati Fooldasta Ko Tod Diya,
Agar Aage Se Gadbadi Hui To Maar – Maar Kr Sir Ganja Kar Dungi,
Raamu : Ji Samajh Gaya,
Preeto : Kya Samjhe,
Raamu : Yahi Ki Maalik Kam Umar Mein Ganje Kyu Ho Gaye Hai. 


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Police :- Tum Us Dusre Bhikhari Se Kyu Lad-Jhagad Rahe Ho,
Bhikhari :- Janab, Wo Mere Bete Ki Jagah Par Beth,
Kar Bheekh Maang Raha Tha,
Maine Kaha Lekin Wo Hatne Ka Naam Hi Nahi Le Raha Tha. 


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Maa :- Bandar Ne Chat Par Rakhi Pustak Faad Daali Hai Aye Bhagwan,
Koi Danda Ya Pathar Maar Kar Bhagaao Use Jaldi,
Warna Sari Kitab Paadh Dega,
Sonu :- Maa, Jab Monu Aisa Karta Hai Tab To,
Tum Aisa Karne Ko Kabhi Nahi Kehti Ho,



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Do Nashedio Ne Bahut Zyada Pee Rakhi Thi,
Aur Wo Aapas Mein Behas Kar Rahe The,
Pehla :- Ye Chand Hai Yaar,
Dusra :- Nahi Yaar, Ye Suraj Hai,
Itn Me Ek Teesra Nashedi Waha Se Gujra,
To Dono Ne Socha Ki Is Se Poochte Hai,
Teesra :- Bhai ! Main To Is Jagah Naya Aaya Hu. 


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Bhikhari :- Babuji, Is Laachar Ki Madad Karein,
Aap Ek Paisa Doge To Bhagwan Dus Laakh Dega,
Babuji :- Tumhare Hath, Pair, Kaan, Aankhein, Sabhi,
Thik Hain, Tum Kaise Laachar Ho,
Bhikhari :- Ji Main Modern Hu Aur Aadat Se Laachar Hu. 


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Neta Ji :- Humne Rajneeti Me Acche Acche Pehalwano Ko Pachad Diya Hai,
Dusra Neta :- Aap Kyun Sare Aam Jhuth Bol Rahe Hai,
Kal Raat To Apki Patni Aapke Piche Jhadu,
Lekar Daudi Thi Aur Aap Bistar Ke Niche Chupe Pade The. 


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Doctor :- Aap Mere Kahe Ke Anusaar Kamre Ki,
Khidkiyaan Kholkar Soye The Ya Nahi,
Mareej :- Ji Haan Khidki Khol Ke Hi Soya Tha,
Doctor :- Tab Aapka Jukaam Gayab Ho Gaya Hoga,
Maarej :- Jee Nahi, Par Ghar Ka Saman Jarur Gayab Ho Gaya. 

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Ek Nayi Dulhan Ne Ithlakar Apne Pati Parmeshwar Se Kaha,
Agar Bawarchi Ko Hatakar Agle Poore Mahine Mein Aapko,
Apne Hath Se Bana Khana Paka Kar Khilaun To Mujhe Kya Milega,
Pati :- Waada Raha Meri Beema Policy Ki Saari Rakam Tumhari.


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Suahgraat Par Dulhe Ne Dulhan Ki Aankh Ko Chuma,
Dulhan : Yeh Kya Hai 
Dulha : Aankhe Jindagi Ki Kitab Hoti Hai,
Dulhan : Niche Library Mein Aag Lagi Hai Aur Tu Kitab Mein Gusa Hai. 


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Unki Aankho Mein Aansu Aur Chehre Par Hasi Hai,
Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah,
Unki Aankho Mein Aansu Par Hasi Hai,
Aisa Lagta Hai Ki Unki Lulli Jip Mein Fasi Hai.


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Ek Aadmi Dukandar Se : Ek White Color Ka Condom Dena,
Dukandar White Hi Kyu ?,
Aadmi : Padosan Ka Pati Mar Gaya Afsos Karne Jana Hai. 


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Pati : Aaj Tu Jo Mangegi Tere Kadmo Mein Lakar Rakh Dunga,
Patni : Bakwas Band Karo,
Pehle Line Mein Khade Hokar Dukan Se 1 Kilo Shakkar Lana.
Baaki Ye Apni Faltu Deeng Baad Mein Marna. 

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Pati: Office Se Lautkar Santa Ne Santo Se Kaha, 
Main Cinema Ke Do Ticket Laya Hoon,
Patni : Oh, Yaani Main Taiyaar Ho Jaau Na,
Pati : Ha, Abhi Se Taiyaar Ho Jao, Raat Ko Maja Aayega,
Kyunki Ticket To Kal Sham Ki Hai.

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Ek Raja Ki Rani Use Chodne Nahi Deti Thi,
To Raja Nadi Ke Kinare Jata Aur Batkh Se Kehta Hai,
Aao Batakh Pyari, Baitho Jaangh Par Hamari,
Khao Paan Supari,
Ek Din Rani Ne Use Batakh Ke Sath S*X Karte Dekh Liya To Rani,
Me Gusse Mein Batakh Ki G*And Mein Garam Sariya Daaal Diya,
Agle Din Fir Raja Aata Hai Aur Batakh Se Kehta Hai,
Aao Batakh Pyari, Baitho Jaangh Par Hamari, Khao Par Supari,
Tabhi Batakh Kehti Hai, Aayi Thi Raand Tumhari, 
Jala Gayi G*And Hamari, Ma Ki Ch*T Tumhari, 
Bhossde Mein Jaye Pan Supari. 


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Patient : Mera Lakdi Ka Pair Mujhe Kaafi Dard De Raha Hai.
Doctor : Lakdi Ka Pair Tumhe Dard Kaise De Sakta Hai.
Patient : Meri Patni Mujhe Roj Usi Se Marti Hai. 


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Santa :- Shehar Ke Chaurahe Par Khadi Ek Pathar Ki Vishal,
Murti Se Ek Baar Yamraaj Ne Pucha – Agar Main Tumme Jaan Daal Du,
To Sabse Pehle Tum Kya Kaam Karoge ?
Murti :- Unn Saikado Kabutaro Ki Garden Marodunga,
Jo Itne Saalo Se Mujh Par Beet Karte Aaye Hai. 


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Raman – Beta Tumhare Baal Choti Si Umar Mein Bahut Sundar Hai,
Ye Tumhe Kis Se Mile Hain, Apni Mummy Se Ya Papa Se ?
Ladki - Jahan Tak Mera Khayal Hai Uncle Ji,
Mujhe Mere Baal Papa Se Mile Hai,
Kyunki Mere Papa Ke Sir Se Saare Baal Gayab Ho Gaye Hai. 


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Ladki : Kabhi Railway Track Nahi Dkehi Hai Kya,
Santa : Hmm Dekhi H Ji Bahut Dekhi Hai,
Hamara To Kaam Hi Inhe Dekhne Ka Hai,
Par Kasam Se Aise Breakar Kabhi Nahi Dekhe. 


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Patni Ne Kaha Priyatam Tum Mujhe Itna Pyaar Karte Ho,
Kya Mere Marne Ke Bad Tum Bhi Mere Liye Ek Tajmahal Banaaoge,
Ha Ha Kyu Nahi Prie,
Isliye To Maine Agra Mein 1000 Gaz Ka Plot Kharida Hai. 

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Thanku Doctor Ji Aapne Mere Boyfriend Ke Dil Me,
Dusre Ka Dil Lagakar Unki Zindagi Bacha Li.
Lekin Doctor Ji, Ab Unke Dil Mein Wo Pyar Nahi Reh Gaya Hai,
Doctor :Abhi Naya Dil Hai, Koshish Kijiye, 
Kuch Din Mein Kaabu Mein Aa Jayega. 

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Patni :- Pati Mein Behas Chal Rahi Thi,
Pati :- Mujhe Khoobsurti Pasand Hai, 
Patni :- Mujhe Dimag Bahut Pasand Hai,
Pati :- Ha Thik Hai, Jo Chij Jiske Paas Nahi Hoti Hai,
Wo Use Hi Pasand Karta Hai. 


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Santo Ne Apne Indian Premi Se Pucha,
Shaadi Ho Jaaye To Tum Mujhe Honeymoon Ke Liye,
Kaun Se Station Pe Leke Jaaoge ?
Bus Station Se Railway Station. 


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Preeti :- Tum Ekdum Se Itne Ameer Kaise Ban Gaye ?
Pankaj :- Baat Bhulne Ki Aadat Ke Karan,
Preeti :- Wo Kaise ?
Pankaj :- Mere Lakhpati Mama Ko Dil Ka Daura Pada Tha,
Uss Samaye Mein Doctor Ka Mobile Number Bhul Jaane Ke Karan,
Doctor Ko Bhulana Bhul Gaya,
Aur Mere Mama Ji Chal Base. So Main Ameer Ban Gaya.

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Teacher – Bachho Hame Kisi Chij Ka Durupyog Nahi Karna Chahiye,
Pappu – Sir Aap Kyun Karte Hai,
Teacher – Main Kis Chij Ka Durupyog Karta Hun,
Pappu – Scale Se Line Khichni Chahiye Par Aap Sada Usse Hame Pitte Hai. 


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Sahab : Waiter Are Kaisa Tanduri Chicken Laye Ho Tum,
Iski Ek Tang Dusri Tang Se Choti Hai,
Shopkeeper : Sahab Aapko Chicken Khana Hai Ya Uske,
Saath Dance Karna Hai. 

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Sipahi – Miss Babli Aapki Sikhayat Par,
Maine In Nagan Nahane Walo Ko,
Iss Samundar Tat Se Aage Bej Diya Hai,
Aapko Inhe Dekhkar Paresani Ho Rahi Thi,
Ab We 10 Fit Aage Jakar Nahaenge,
Babli – Thank You Officer Ab Main Bina,
Sarmaye Unhe Durbin Se Dekh Sakungi. 


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Ek Teacher Apni Claas Mein Makkhiyo Ke Bare Mein,
Baccho Ko Bata Rahi Thi – Ek Akeli Makkhi Apne Jiwan Me,
Ek Lakh Ande De Sakti Hain,
Bunty Ne Babli Se Fusfusa Kar Kaha – Ek Akeli Makkhi Lakho,
Ande Deti Hai To Shadi Shuda Makkhi N Jane Kitne Deti Hogi. 


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Pati – Apni Patni Ko Dantte Hue, Darwaja Par Aane Wale Har Bikhari,
Ko Khana Khilane Se Kya Laab Isse Kuch Banta Hi Nahi,
Patni – Main Janti Hui Par Yeh Dekhkar Mujhe Behad Santosh Hota Hai,
Ki Akhir Koi To Mere Hath Ka Khana Bina Kami Nikale Kha Raha Hai. 


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Teacher – Batao Nepal Door Hain Ya Chand,
Pinki – Ji Nepal,
Teacher – Kaise,
Pinki – Ji Chand To Yaha Se Dekha Ja Sakta Hai Par Nepal Nahi. 


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Santa – Agar Tumhari Maa Tumhe 10 Rupye Or,
Tere Bhai Ko 20 Rupye De To Kya Hoga,
Banta – Ladayi. 

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Rail Ke Dibbe Mein Santa Ki Maa Ne Santa Se Kaha,
Chupchap Baithe Raho Sararat Ki To Marungi,
Santa – Tumne Mujhe Mara To Main,
Tickit Checker Ko Apni Umar Bata Dunga. 


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Pappu – Aaj Main Tumse Bahut Khus Hun Bolo Kya Chahiye,
Preeti Khus Hoker – Hiro Ka Haar,
Pappu – Achha Yeh Lo Daga, Hire Phir La Dunga. 


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Mareej – Doctor Suna Hai Aajkal Sanp Ke Katne Ka Bhi Ilaaj Ho Jata Hai,
Doctor – Sabka Ilaaj Ho Sakta Hai,
Mareej – Doctor Sahab Kuch Bimariya To Lailaj Hoti Hongi,
Doctor – Are Ha Tumne Accha Yaad Dilaya Aurat Ke Katne Ka Koi Ilaj Nahi Hai.

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Ek Raja Ne Apni Premika Se Pucha- Main Kis Din Mrunga?
Premika Ne Utar Diya- Chutti Wale Din,
Raja – Kaise,
Premika – Ap Jis Din Bhi Marenghe Apki Sena Usi Din Chutti Manaeghi. 



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Pappu : Mummy School Mein Hamari Teacher Bata Rahi Thi,
Ki Hum Log Dusro Ki Madad Karne Ke Liye Iss Duniya Main Ae Hain,
Kya Yah Such Hain? 

Mummy : Ha Beta Tumhari Teacher Thik Kehti Hain,
Pappu : To Fir Dusre Log Duniya Main Kislie Aaye Hain. 


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Police Mein Naukri Paane Ke Liye Aavedan Patr Dene Wale,
Ek Aadmi Se Police Commisnor Ne Interview Mein Pucha,
Agar Kahi Bidh Jama Ho Gayi Or Tumhe Bina Laathcharge Kiye,
Logo Ko Wahan Se Titar – Bitar Karne Ko Kaha Jaye To Kya Karoge?,
Aadmi Ne Muskurakar Kaha – Main Unse Kisi Aashram Ka Chanda Mangne Lagunga. 

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Bus Mein Khada Patla Aadmi Dakke Khata Hua Aage,
Khiskta Ja Raha Tha Jab Condoctor Ne Tickit Kharidne,
Ke Liye Usse Kaha To Weh Bola – Tickit Kyu Main To Pura,
Rasta Paidal Chalta Raha Hoon.


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Naukar – Uthiye Malik Jagiye,
Malik – Kya Baat Hain Kyon Jaga Diya,
Naukar – Ji Main Apko Neend Ki Dawai Dena Bhool Gaya Tha.


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Banta : Chidambaram Ke Bajat Mein Kya Khaas Hai,
Santa : Isme G**Nd Bhi Apni Hai, Tel Bhi Apna Hai,
Bed Bhi Apna Hai, Aur G**Nd Ke Jo Kamayenge Wo Sarkar Hai. 


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Ek Bona Suhagraat Ko Kamre Mein Aate Hi Biwi Se Bola,
Chal Ghodi Ban Jaa,
Biwi :- Ye Kon Sa Tareeka, Hai Ji,
Bona :- Pagli, Tareeka Nahi Hai, Kamre Ki Kundi Lagani Hai. 


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Bio Teacher : Penees Mein Haddi Hoti Hai,
Ladki : Ji Ha Ji ,
Santa : Nahi Hoti Sir, Inn Ladkio Ko Kya Pata,
Inhe To Hamesha Khada Hi Milta Hai. 

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Santa : Tumhare Kacche Mein Kitne Ched Hai,
Ladki : Behsaram Kahi Ke, Ek Bhi Nahi Hai,
Santa : Pagli Kahi Ki Fir Dono Taange Kaha Se Nikalti Ho.
Inn Ladkio Ki Soch Hi Itni Gandi Hai. 


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Aurat Ke Do Karishme

1. Bina Ghaas Khaye Dudh Deti Hai,
2. L**Da Nahi Hota Fir Bhi Mardo Ki G*Nd Mar Leti Hai.


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Do Sardaro Ki Kisi Baat Par Behas Ho Gayi,
Pehla Gusse Mein Bola Kya Samajhte Ho Apne Apko,
Tumse Badha Bewkoof Dunde Bhi Nahi Milega,
Dundne Ki Kya Jarurt Hain Ghar Jakar Seeshe Me,
Muh Dekh Lo, Najar Aa Jayega. 


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Customer – Samose Kuch Thik Nahi Lag Rahe Hain,
Kya Baat Hain? Parso Wale To Bahut Achhe The,
Sardar – Aji Sahab Yeh Wahi To Hain. 

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Teacher : Do Samundaro Ke Naam Batao,
Sardar : Ganga Or Yumna,
Teacher : Lekin Yeh To Nadiya Hain.
Sardar : Kya Fark Padhta Hai,
Akhir Ye Samundar Main Hi To Mil Jati Hai. 



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Ek Sardar Ne Apne Patni Se Kaha – Jara,
Jaldi Khana De Do Dair Ho Rahi Hain,
Patni : Lekin Abhi Chawal Adhe Hi Pake Hai,
Sardar : Koi Baat Nahi Adhe Hi De Do Baaki,
Tum Kha Lena. 


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Sardar – Dekho Aaj Samne Ki Shop Se Koi Saman Mat Kharidna,
Sardar Girlfriend – Kyon Kya Hua? Weh To Bahut Imandar Hain,
Sardar – So To Hai Lekin Aaj Saman Tolne Ke Liye Hamara,
Baat(Weight) Udhar Le Gya Hain.


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Sharabi – Sharab Se Jyada Nuksan To Paani Karta Hai,
Premo – Bilkul Galat Hai, Aisa Kabhi Nahi Ho Sakta,
Sharabi – Kyu Kuch Dino Pehle Hi Badh Se Hajaro Logo Nahi Mare. 

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Pandit Ne Pappu Ka Hath Dekh Kar Kaha,
Aapke Ghar Me Jaldi Hi Ek Bhadi Danrasi Ke,
Aane Ka Yog Hai,
Batayie Apne Lotri Ka Tickat Liya Hai Ya Kuch Aur,
Pappu Ne Thandi Saans Lete Hue Kaha,
Abhi Parso Hi Maine Do Lakh Ka Apna Bima Karwaya Hai. 


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Santa Banta Se – Mere Dad Cinema Hole Me Pahunchte Hain,
Tabhi Gate Khulta Hain,
Banta – To Kya Tera Baaap Manejar Hain?,
Santa – Nahi Gatekeeper Hain. 


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Apne Papa Ke Sath Chidiyagar Dekhte Hue Bachcha,
Sher Ke Pinjre Ke Samne Akar Kuch Sochne Laga,
Papa Ne Karan Pucha To Bachche Ne Kaha Kuch Nahi,
Main Soch Raha Tha Ki Agar Sher Pinjre Se Niklakar Apko Kha Le,
To Main Kon Se Number Ki Bus Se Gar Jaunga


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Pathan Naukarani Se : "Tum Begam Se Zyada Maja Deti Ho,"
Naukarani : Ye To Aapki Jara Nawaji Hai,
Warna Saare Naukar To Kehte Hai Begam Jyada Maja Deti Hai.

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Maan Lijiye Aapke Paas Ek Machish Ki Tili Hai Aur Aap Ek,
Andhere Kamre Mein Mojud Hai, 
Jisme Ek Mombati Hai,
Ek Lalten Hai Aur Ek Diya Hai To Sabse Pahle Aap Kya Jlayenge?
Mombatti,
Galat, Sbse Pahle Aap Machish Jlayenge,


**********************************


Ek Sahab Ne Chunilal Ko Khana Khilane Ke Liye Ghar Bulaya,
Jab Chunilal Ne Kaafi Khana Kha Liya To Pet Ki Aur Ishara Karte Hua Kaha,
Bus Bhar Gayi Hai, Iske Baad Shab Ne Malai Se Bhari Plate Laker Di,
To Unhine Vah Bhi Khali Kar Di Un Shab Ne Kha,
–Chunilal Ji Bus To Bhar Gayi Thi,
To Aapne Malai Kaise Kha Li Chunilal Ji Namarta,
Se Bole – Bhai Shab, Bus To Bhar,
Gayi Thi Lekin Cunductor Ki Seat Khali Thi. 


**********************************


Do School Ke Dost Bhut Dino Baad Mile,
Dono Ek Dusre Ke Hal-Chal Pucha Or Gale Mile,
Ek Dost Ne Kaha-Dost Bhut Achi Tarah Se Hu,
Upar Wale Ki Badi Kripa Hai,
Dekho, Yah Makan Bhi Banva Liya Hai, 
Do Bache Bhi Hai, Upar Wale Ki Kirpa Se ,
Dost Se Raha Nahi Gaya Puch Hi Baitha : 
Yaar Yeh Batao Ki Upar Rahta Kon Hai. 


**********************************
Ek Naukrani Ek Sahab Ke Ghar Naukari Karti Thi,
Use Pata Chala Ki Ek Jagah Pagal Khane Me Kahli Hai,
Usne Apne Sahab Se Kaha Ki Wo Uski Sifarish Kar De,
Sahab Ne Pucha- Lekin Tumhe Pagal Khane Ka Tajurba To Hai Hi Nahi,
Naukrani- Waah Sahab, Aapke Yaha Do Saal Se Naukri Kar Rahi Hu. 


**********************************

Chunilal Ek Baar Apne Param Mitar Milne Delhi Gaye,
Raat Ko Der Tak Baate Chalti Rahi, Karib Dus Baje Ka
Aqat Tha Ki Koi Aadmi Sadak Par Bar-Bar Chila Raha,
Tha "Jagte Raho, Jagte Raho",
Chunilal Ke Dost Ne Pucha 'Kya Baat Hai",Usne Bataya Ki Weh Aadmi,
Mohalle Ka Chokidar Hai, Hum Sab Log Milkar Use Tankhva Dete Hai,
Chunilal Ne Kaha –"Jab Yeh Hum Sote Hua Logo Ko Jagne Ko Kehta Hai,
To Phir Iss Chokidar Ki Jarurat Hi Kya Hai.



**********************************

Ek Din Santa Aur Banta Hotel Gaye Ek Plaet Tanduri Chiken Lane Ka Order Diya,
Waiter Palet Mein Ek Chota Aur Ek Bada Tukda Rakhkar Laya,
Tab Santa Bada Tukda Utha Kar Khane Laga To Banta Bola,
Tumhe Bilkul Sabyata Nahi Hai, Tumhari Jagah Mai Hota To Chota Tukada Utata,
Santa- To Ab Sikayat Kyu Kar Rahe Ho, Tumhe Chota Tukda Mil To Gaya. 


**********************************

Chintu- Maa Meri Shadi Kab Hogi?,
Maa – Beta, Jab Tum Bhut Bade Ho Jaoge,
Chintu- Maa Shadi Ke Liye Bada Hona Jaruri Hai Kya?,
Barabar Wale Ghar Mein, Aunty Munna Se Kah Rahi Thi,
Tumhari Shadi Jab Karenge Jab Tum Pairo Par Khade Ho Jaoge,
Maa Mein To Pairo Par Khada Ho Sakta Hu Aur Haa Doud Bhi Sakta Hu. 

**********************************


Aadhi Raat Ko Doctor Ke Ghar Telephone Par Fauji Bola,
Aap Ghar Aane Ki Fees Kya Late Hai?
Doctor- 100 Rupay
Fauji - Aur Clinic Mein Dekhne Ki?,
Doctor - 50 Rupay,
Fauji - To Thik Hai Aap Teyar Hokar Clinic Phuche,
Mein Ek Ghante Mein Phuch Raha Hu. 

**********************************


Geogrpy Ki Class Thi, Teacher Padda Rahe The Ki Kaun-Kaun,
Si Dhatu Khan-Khan Hoti Hai,
Teacher- Ladko Kya Tumko Sab Yaad Ho Gaya Hai Jo Padaya Hai,
Santa-Ji Haan Master Ji,
Teacher- Sona Khan Jayada Hota Hai,
Santa – Ji Palang Par Master Ji. 


**********************************

Baap – Chintu Ab Tumhari Padai Khatam Ho Jayegi,
Agle Mahine Imtihan Hai, Uske Baad Kya Irada Hai,
Chintu- Mein Business Karna Chata Hoon,
Baap- Yeh To Acha Khayal Hai Lekin Kon Sa Business Karoge,
Chintu- Ando Ka,
Baap – Haa Thik Hi Hai Saari Zindagi School Mein,
Ando La Rahe Ho Ab Business Bhi Isi Ka Karoge.


**********************************

Ek Kunware Ne Apni Sundar Mehman Se Kha,
Dekhne Mein, Mai Itna Lambha Tagda Mard Nazar Aata Hu,
Lekin Mijaj Se Main Bilkul Bacha Hu,
Ab Bhi Akele Sote Hue Darta Rehta Hu.


**********************************

1st Dost : Iss Duniya Main Bewkufo Ki Sankhya Kitni Hogi?,
2nd Dost : Yaar Kabhi Dusro Ke Baare Mein Bhi Socha Karo. 


**********************************



Judge - Tumhara Advocate Kaha Hai?,
Apradhi - Hujur Garib Hu Advocate Ki Fees Ka Paisa Nahi Hai,
Judge - Brabar Ke Holl Mein Chale Jao, 50-50 Rupay Mein,
Bohat Advocate Mill Jayenge Khali Hi Rehte Hai,
Apradhi Bahar Gaya, Advocate Se Puchtach Ki Aur Wapas Aa Gaya,
Judge - Le Aaye Advocate Ko?
Apradhi- Hujur, Advocate Sahab Kehte Hai Ki 50-50 Rupay,
Wale Sabhi Advocate Ab Judge Ban Gaye Hai. Aap Ladenge Mera Case. 


**********************************

Kude Kachre Se Lade Gadhe Ko Dekhkar Santa Ne,
Banta Se Kaha- Yaar Tumhari Savari Ka Kitna Galat Use Ho Raha Hai,
Banta- Galat Use Kaha? Weh To Tumhara Dahej Le Kar Aa Raha Hai. 


**********************************


Santa Ko Halwa Khane Ka Bhut Shok Tha,
Weh Ek Kiryane Wale Ke Paas Phucha Aur Bola,
Aapke Paas Suji Hai,
Dukandar-Ji Haan,
Santa   Ghee Hai,
Dukandar- Ji Haan,
Santa- Sakkar Hai,
Dukandar- Ji Haan,
Santa- Tab To Aap Bhut Murkh Hai Halwa Kyu Nahi Bnate.


**********************************

Chor - Huzur Mujhe Reha Kar Dijeye,
Judje- Kyu Kya Yeh Tunhari Pehli Chori Hai,
Chor-Ji Nahi, Main To Akshar Chori Karta Aur,
Jail Jata Raha Hu Parantu Yeh Mere Advocate Ka Pehla Mukadma Hai. 


**********************************


Ek Moti Aurat Apne Pati Se- Iss Saal Ramlila,
Mein Mei Sita Ka Role Karungi,
Sunkar Pati Ne Kaha - Tumhara Bhari Sharir,
Dekhkar To Ravan Bhi Tumhara Haran Karne Se Inkar Kar Dega. 


**********************************

Chintu Ne Halwai Ke Yaha Se Ladoo Kharide,
Kintu Turant Wapis Kar Diye Aur Kaha Mujhe Kalakand Do,
Kalakand Bhi Bunty Ne Turant Wapis Kar Diya Aur Jalebiya Le Li,
Phir Jab Weh Chalne Laga To, Halwai Ne Kaha – Paise,
Chintu- Kaise Paise ?,
Halwai –Jalebi Ke,
Chintu- Jalebiya To Maine Kalakand Ke Badle Mein Le Hai,
Halwai- To Kalakand Ke Paise,
Chintu- Kintu Kalakand To Maine Ladoo Ke Badle Mein Liya Hai,
Halwai- To Lado Ke Paise De Do,
Chintu- Wah Jee Waah Ladoo To Maine Wapis Kar Diye. 


**********************************


Pyarelal Ne Ek Raat Sapne Mein Dekha Ki Koi,
Unke Hath Mei 90 Rupay De Raha Hai Aur Pyarelal Ji,
Hai Ki 100 Rupay Se Kam Lene Ko Taiyar Nahi Ho Rahe Hai,
Ishi Bich Mein Achanak Pyarelal Ki Aankh Khul Gayi,
Aur Unhone Apne Dono Hath Ko Khali Paya,
Jhat Pyarelal Jee Ne Aankhe Band Kar Li Aur,
Lage Chikhna Chilane Acha, Lao-Lao 90 Hi De Do

**********************************


Apni Patni Se Tang Aa Kar Ek Aadmi Chidiya Ghar Mein Sher,
Ke Pinjre Mein So Gaya,
Uski Patni Usko Dundti Hui Wahn Phuchi Aur Ghar Le Ja Kar Boli,
Kayar Kahi Ke, Mujhse Darkar Waha Sher Ke Pinjre Mein Chip Gaye



**********************************

Surender Sharma Ji Hasya Rash Ke Jane-Mane Choti Ke Kavi Hai,
Unki Kavita Shuru Hone Ke Phale Hi Hall Taliyo Se Gunjane Lagta Hai,
Shrotagan Haste-Haste Nahi Rukte Lekin Kya Majal Ki Sharma Ji Ke,
Chere Par Muskurahat Tak Aa Jaye, Humne Unhe Unke Ghar Par Bhi,
Kabhi Haste Hua Nahi Dekha Ek Din Unki Shrimati Ji Ne Dekha Ki,
Sharma Ji Akele Khade Hansh Rahe Hai To Chinta Mein Pad Gaye,
Aur Pucha Kyon Ji Kya Hua Aapko, Kya Tabiyat Khrab Hai, Doctor Ko Bulau. 


**********************************

Thane Mein Hathkadi Lage Do Chor Sir Jhukaye Khade The,
Thanedar Ek Chor Se-Tumhara Naam?
Pahela Chor- Chaterjim
Thanedar Bohe Tan Kar – Aur Tumhara ?
Dushra Chor- Banarjee
Thanedar Apne Munshi Se- Dekho Kaam Choro Ka Karte Hai,
Aur Naam Ke Aage Ji Lagate Hai- Likh Do Chatr-Batar. 

**********************************

Ek Neta Ji Thake Hua Ghar Lote, Nauker Se Bole,
Bhut Thak Gya Hu, Itni Der Tak Bhasan Diya,
Jaldi Se Pair Daba De, Nauker- Malik Bhasan Der Tak,
Diya Hai To Gala Thak Gya Hoga Khiye To Gla Bhi Daba Du. 



**********************************

Ek Mitar - Yadi Mein Tumhe Dher Sare Rupey Dekhau To Tum Mujhe Kya Donge,
Dusra Mitar-Kua Mein Dakka 



**********************************

Mareej - Doctor Shab Apne 6 Hafte Pahle Bulaya Tha Tang,
Ka Plaster Katne Ko, So Mai Aa Gaya Hu,
Doctor-Tumko Mana Kiya Tha Ki Sidhi Mat Chadna,
Mareej - Haan, Doctor Shab Maine Bilkul Aapke Kehne Ke,
Mutabik Kiya Hai, Sidhi Bilkul Nahi Chadi, Pipe Ke Raste Chadta Tha.



**********************************

Ek Singer Kisi Function Mein Gaa Rahe The,
Kuch Darshak Bich-Bich Mein Daad De Rahe The,
Wah Kya Dard Hai, Wakai Singer Ke Gale Mein Dard Hai,
Function Ki Ending Par Ek Mahaseh Singer Ke Pass Aakar Kehne,
Lage Ji Main Gale Ka Doctor Hoon Mujhe Abhi-Abhi Pata Chala Hai,
Ki Aapke Gale Mai Dard Hai, Ye Goliya Lijiye, Dard Mit Jayega. 

**********************************


Mera Challan Mat Karo – Santa Bola Jaha Sharab Ki Dukan Hai Waha Mujhe Scoth,
Whiskey Ki Char Petiya Foran Phuchani Hai,
Isliye Mein Majburan Zara Si Tej Car Chala Raha Tha,
Chodo Bhi, Yeh Lo , Ek Botal Tum Le Lo,
Hawaldar : Aap Mujhe Reshvat Dene Ki Koshish Kar Rahe Hai,
Santa- Are Nahi Sahab,
Hawaldar- Kitne Ki Hai Ek,
Santa- 350 Rupay,
Santa- Acha, Aap Botal Ki Keemat Adda Kar Do,
Hawaldar- Yah Lo 100 Rupay Aur Teen De Do. 

**********************************


Ek Dost Apne Sathi Ko Jo Sehar Ke Neta The Bade Pyar,
Se Sharab Peene Se Hone Wali Barbadiya Bata Rahe The,
Kuch Dair Baad Netaji Ne Jawab Diya Bhai Mere Acche Dost,
Tum Samjhne Ki Koshish Kyu Nahi Karte,
Jab Se Maine Samaj Seva Ka Varat Liya Hai Tabhi Se,
Yah Kadve Ghut Pee Raha Hu Taki Samaj Ko Isse Hone Wale,
Nukshan Bata Saku, Mein Koi Shounk Ke Liye Nahi Pita Hu. 

**********************************

Trafic Police Ke Ek Sub-Inspector Ne Apni Jeep Ek,
Laides Ke Piche Lagkar Use Tej Raftar Car Chlane Ke,
Jurm Mein Roka To Lady Tamakkar Bole – Agar Mein Tej Chala,
Rahi Thi To Tum Bhi To Tej Chala Rahe The Warna,
Tumne Mujhe Pakada Kaise Hota


**********************************

Maa – Beta, Aisa Kaam Nahi Karna Chiye Jisse Pitna Pade,
Chintu- Maa, To Ab Mein School Nahi Jaunga,
Maa - Kyu Beta,
Chintu- Waha Master Ji Meri Pitai Karte Hai 

**********************************

Kathghere Mein Khade Chor Se Judge Ne Kaha,
Ajeeb Baat Hai Jab Main Wakil Tha To Tumne Cycle Churai,
Aur Jab Main Sarkari Wakil Bana To Tumne Ek Bike Churai,
Aaj Jab Main Judge Ban Gaya Hu To Tumne Ek Car Churai,
Akhir Aisa Kyon?,
Hujur Wajah Bahut Saaf Hain Aapke Sath Maine Bhi Tarkki Ki Hain. 



**********************************

Pappu School Se Rote Hue Ghar Aaya,
Maa Ne Pucha – Kya Baat Hain Rota Kyon Hain?
Weh Hichkiya Leta Hua Bola,
Guru Ji To Hath Me Kitab Lekar Padate Hain,
Or Hum Yaad N Kare To Bhi Pitte Hain. 


**********************************

Papa : Tumhari Class Me Sabse Zyada Hosiyar Bacha Kon Hai,
Bete : Deepika Hai Papa Ji,
Papa : Weh Kaise?,
Bete : Weh Class Mein Itni Safai Se Nakal Karti Hai,
Ki Aaj Tak Pakad Mein Nahi Aayi. 

**********************************

Do Dost Dono Ek Hotel Me Pahuch Gaye,
Jab Waiter Unke Pass Aaya To Sart Ke Hisab Se,
Use Do Gilas Paani Lane Ke Liye Keh Diya,
Pani Aane Par Sart Ke Hisab Se Ab Dusre Ki Bari Thi,
To Usne Order Diya- Waiter Menu Lao Jab Menu Aa Gaya To Fir,
Pehle Wale Ne Kaha-Mere Liye Ek Cup Coffe Lao Or,
Ise Laat Maar Ke Bahea Nikal Do. 


**********************************



Ek Seth Ko Yumraj Ke Dut Lene Aaye,
Or Use Le Jakar Yumraj Ke Samne Khada Kar Diya,
Yumraj Ne Pucha Tum Kahan Rehna Chahte Ho,
Sawrag Mein Ya Narak Me?,
Seth Ji Bade Soch Mein Pad Gaye,
Kaafi Sochne Ke Baad Jawab Diya Jaha,
Do Chaar Paise Ka Fayda Hoga. 


**********************************

Pati : Suhagraat Aaj Se Tumhari Har Chij Main Istemaal Karunga,
Patni : Accha To Wo Plastic Wala Arraam Se Lena,
Bahut Badha Hai Tumhari G**Nd Fat Jayegi. 


**********************************

Shadi Ke Baad Suhagraat Ke Liye Pati Aur Uski Patnim,
Apne Kamre Mein Gaye, Patni Araam Se Bed Pe Baith Gayim
Aur Pati Cadbury Chocolate Apne Aujaar Par Lagane Lage,
Patni Ye Dekhkar Boli, "Kya Kar Rahe Ho?" 
Pati : Subh Kaam Karne Se Pehle Kuch Meetha Ho Jaaye. 

**********************************

Ek Khubsurat Ladki Patli Gali Se Jaa Rahi Thi, 
Raste Mein Ek Saand Khada Tha,
Usne Waha Khade Santa Se Pucha,
Bhaiye Ji Ye Sand Marta To Nahi Na,
Santa : Gaaye Ke To Marta H Aapki Pata Nahi,
Marega Ya Nahi. 


**********************************



Ek Aadmi Badhi Pareshani Ki Haalat Mein Office Se Ghar Gaya,
Wife : (Pyar Se) Suno Ji, Kal Mere B'day Pe Mujhe Saadi De Doge,
Pati Gusse Se : G**Nd Mara ?
Wife : Fir To Do Lungi. 

**********************************

Ek Sardar Apni Biwi Ke Liye Bra Kharidne Gaya,
Dukandar : Kya Size H Sardar Ji ?
Sardar : Assi Size To Laana Bhul Gaya,
Par Yu Samjo Pakdu To Anda Chodu To Omlette.

**********************************

Pathan Suhagraat Par Bola, "Bahut Majar Aaya Begam",
Badi Hifajat Se Sambhala Tha Aapne Isko,
Begam : Aapki Khatir Puri Jindagi G**Nd Marwa,
Ke Kaam Chalaya Hai. 


**********************************




Ek Shadi Shuda Insaan Ko Karne Ka Bada Mood Tha,
Wo Office Aate Waqt Ghar Pe C*Nd*M Le Aaya,
Tabhi Uski Biwi Ne Use Utha Ke Pucha "Ye Kitne Ka Hai"
Pati : 30 Ruppe Ke 3,
Patni : Oye Ram ! Mehangayi To Dekho Jab Main 8th Mein Thi To,
10 Ke 3 Aate The. 


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