Funny Sms Messages 2017

  • Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder

  • 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I like children - fried.

  • 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The next time you hAve A thought... let it go.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The rewArd of energy....!!! enter^prise And thrift is tAxes.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • As for our mAjority... one is enough.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I mAy be A living legend....!!! ^but thAt sure don't help when I've got to chAnge A flAt tire.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • HAve enough sense to know....!!! Ah^eAd of time....!!! when your skills will not extend to wAllpApering.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If God wAnted us to bend over he'd put diAmonds on the floor.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • A pessimist is A person who hAs hAd ^to listen to too mAny optimists.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • It All stArted when my dog beg^An getting free roll over minutes.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • PArents Are the lAst people on eAr^th who ought to hAve children.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Progress might hAve been ^Alright once....!!! but it hAs gone on too long.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I like mArriAge. The ideA.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm spending A yeAr deAd for tAx reAsons.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I hAve A very low level of recog^nition....!!! which is fine by me.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm A misplAced AmericAn....!!! but ^don't know where I wAs misplAced.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Why does everyone think the ^future is spAce helmets....!!! silver foil....!!! And tAlking like computers....!!! like A bAd episode of StAr Trek

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • It's simple....!!! if it jiggles....!!! it's fAt.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If I wAnt to knock A story off^ the front pAge....!!! I just chAnge my hAirstyle.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I did not hAve three tho^usAnd pAirs of shoes....!!! I hAd one thousAnd And sixty.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Why do you hAve to be A non^conformist like everybody else

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • A JAmes CAgney love scene is ^one where he lets the other guy live.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • We owe to the Middle Ages t^he two worst inventions of humAnity - romAntic love And gunpowder.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The first time I sAng in the^ church choir; two hundred people chAnged their religion.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I looked up my fAmily tree And found out I wAs the sAp.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • MAn cAnnot live by breAd Alone; he must hAve peAnut butter.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • GAmbling: The sure wAy of ge^tting nothing for something.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A sure cure for seAsickness is to sit under A tree.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎



  • Children Are smArter thAn Any ^of us. Know how I know thAt? I don't know one child with A full time job And children.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I hAve tried to know Absolutely no^thing About A greAt mAny things....!!! And I hAve succeeded fAirly well.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • My grAndmother stArte^d wAlking five miles A dAy when she wAs sixty. She's ninety-seven now....!!! And we don't know where the hell she is.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Every mAn's dreAm is to be^ Able to sink into the Arms of A womAn without Also fAlling into her hAnds.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I love mAnkind; it's people I cAn't stAnd.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'd luv to kiss yA....!!! but I ^just wAshed my hAir.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • He looked About As inconsp^icuous As A tArAntulA on A slice of Angel food.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • If you cAn't tell A spoon fro^m A lAdle....!!! then you're fAt!

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • All my children inhe^rited perfect pitch.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Never fight An inAnimAte object.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I wAs A vegetAriAn until I stArt^ed leAning towArd the sunlight.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I fAiled to mAke the ches^s teA^m becAuse of my height.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The tAx collector must love poo^r people....!!! he's creAting so mAny of them.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Yield to temptAtion. It^ mAy n^ot pAss your wAy AgAin.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm thAnkful for the three ^ounce Ziploc bAg....!!! so thAt I hAve somewhere to put my sAvings.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I rAnt....!!! therefore I Am.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I hAve A wonderful ^mAke-up crew. They're the sAme people restoring the StAtue of Liberty.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • As A child my fAmily's menu consisted of two choices: tAke it or leAve it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A two-yeAr-old is kind of like hAving A blender....!!! but you don't hAve A top for it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I knew I wAs An unwAnted bAby when I sAw thAt my bAth toys were A toAster And A rAdio.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A nickel Ain't worth A dime Anymore.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • When I eventuAlly met Mr. R^ight I hAd no ideA thAt his first nAme wAs AlwAys.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A stockbroker urged m^e to buy A stock thAt would triple its vAlue every yeAr. I told him....!!! 'At my Age....!!! I don't even buy green bAnAnAs

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Money won't buy hAppiness....!!! but it will pAy the sAlAries of A lArge reseArch stAff to study the problem.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I drAnk some boiling^ wAter becAuse I wAnted to whistle.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • It is A scientific fAct thAt your b^ody will not Absorb cholesterol if you tAke it from Another person's plAte.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • FAshions hAve done more hArm thAn revolutions.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • We Are All born mAd. Some^ remAin so.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Never put A sock in A t^oAster.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • nny


  • My uncle SAmmy w^As An Angry mAn. He hAd printed on his tombstone: WhAt Are you looking At

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • FlAttery is like c^ologne wAter....!!! to be smelt....!!! not swAllowed.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If you don't mind....!!! it doesn't mAtter.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I spent A yeAr in thAt town....!!! one SundAy.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I don't think Anyone should write their AutobiogrAphy until After they're deAd.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • It is eAsy for me to love myself....!!! but for lAdies to do it is Another question Altogether.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I recorded my hAir this m^orning....!!! tonight I'm wAtching the highlights.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm the only mAn in the w^orld with A mArriAge licence mAde out to whom it mAy concern.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • As fAr As I'm concerned....!!! 'w^hom' is A word thAt wAs invented to mAke everyone sound like A butler.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Let's hAve some new cliches.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • In comic strips....!!! the pers^on on the left AlwAys speAks first.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If you cAnnot get ri^d of the fAmily skeleton....!!! you mAy As well mAke it dAnce.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I no doubt deserve^d my enemies....!!! but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I weAr A neck^lAce....!!! cAuse^ I wAnnA know when I'm upside down.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Anytime you see A turtle up^ on top of A fence post....!!! you know he hAd some help.



  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If truth is beAuty....!!! how come no one hAs their hAir done in the librAry

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • You're only As good As your lAst hAircut.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I don't believe in the After life....!!! Although I Am bringing A chAnge of underweAr.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Only the mediocre Are AlwAys At their best.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I'm An optimist....!!! but An optimist who cArries A rAincoAt.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I reAd pArt of it All the wAy through.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I hAve A memory like An ^elephAnt. I remember every elephAnt I've ever met.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • All generAlizAtions Are fAlse....!!! ^including this one.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Why don't you get A hAircut?^ You look like A chrysAnthemum.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I Am not A member of Any ^orgAnized politicAl pArty. I Am A DemocrAt.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I Am not A member of Any orgAnized politicAl pArty. I Am A DemocrAt.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • You cAn leAd A mAn to Co^ngress....!!! but you cAn't mAke him think.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Be thAnkful we're not ge^tting All the government we're pAying for.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Anyone who sAys he cA^n see through women is missing A lot.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If two wrongs don't ^mAke A right....!!! try three.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Any kid will run Any errAnd for you....!!! if you Ask At bedtime.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • An ideA isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • WhAt's Another word for ThesAurus

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I hAve hAd A perfectly won^derful evening....!!! but this wAsn't it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • When I wAs A boy the DeA^ SeA wAs only sick.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • OriginAlity is the f^ine Art of remembering whAt you heAr but forgetting where you heArd it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • People AlwAys Ask me....!!! 'Were you funny As A child?' Well....!!! no....!!! I wAs An AccountAnt.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If At first you don't succeed....!!! find out if the loser gets Anything.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If At first you don't succeed....!!! find out if the loser gets Anything.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Be obscure cleArly.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Men Are only As loyAl ^As their options.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I wAs the kid next doo^r's imAginAry friend.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I wAs the kid next doo^r's imAginAry friend.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • All men Are equAl^ before fish.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Boy....!!! those French: they hAve A different word for everything!

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • ConversAtion would be vAstly improved by the constAnt use of four simple words: I do not know.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I don't deserve Any credit ^or turning the other cheek As my tongue is AlwAys in it.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • There's A greAt power i^n words....!!! if you don't hitch too mAny of them together.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Everybody tAlks About the weAther....!!! but nobody does Anything About it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Why don't you get out of thAt wet coAt And into A dry mArtini

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the heAd with A vAlentine.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  •  
  • I refuse to join Any club thAt would hAve me As A member.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I refuse to join Any club ^thAt would hAve me As A member.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If women rAn the world ^we wouldn't hAve wArs....!!! 
  • just intense negotiAtions every 28 dAys.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • If this is coffee....!!! pleAse^ bring me some teA; but if this is teA....!!! pleAse bring me some coffee.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Do not worry About^ Avoiding temptAtion. As you grow older it will Avoid you.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Even NApoleon hAd his WAtergAte.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Every time I see An Adult on A bicycl^e....!!! I no longer despAir for the future of the humAn rAce.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Men Are liArs. We'll lie About lyin^g if we hAve to. I'm An AlgebrA liAr. I figure two good lies mAke A positive.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The only time I ever enjo^yed iron^ing wAs the dAy I AccidentAlly got gin in the steAm iron.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Two wrongs don't mAke A right....!!! b^ut they mAke A good excuse.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If love is the Answer....!!! could yo^u pleAse rephrAse the question

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Cure for An obsession: get Another one.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • An optimist is A fellow who^ believes A housefly is looking for A wAy to get out.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If God wAnted us to fly....!!! He would hAve given us tickets.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Expert: A mAn who mAkes three^ correct guesses consecutively.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • It hAs yet to be proven thAt inte^lligence hAs Any survivAl vAlue.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • don't hAve A bAnk Account bec^Ause I don't know my mother's mAiden nAme.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎



  • We know thAt the nAture of g^enius is to provide idiots with ideAs twenty yeArs lAter.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • The IRS! They're like the MAfiA....!!! they cAn tAke Anything they wAnt

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Communism is like one big phone compAny.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I wAs born in very sorry circumstAnces. Both of my pArents were very sorry.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Every mAn hAs A sAne spo^t somewhere.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • WhAt After All....!!! is A hAlo? It'^s only one more thing to keep cleAn.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I hAve An unfortunAte personAlity.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Brought up to respect the ^conventions....!!! love hAd to end in mArriAge. I'm AfrAid it did.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The lAst time I sAw him he wAs wAlking down lover's lAne holding his own hAnd.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • When you're in love it's the m^ost glorious two And A hAlf dAys of your life.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Every mAn hAs his follies - And^ often they Are the most interesting thing he hAs got.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • As I get older....!!! I just prefer to knit.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • There's no such thing^ As soy milk. It's soy juice.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I used to jog but the ice cubes kept fAlling out of my glAss.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A pessimist is A pers^on who hAs hAd to listen to too mAny optimists.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • You see much more of your children once they leAve home.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm undAunted in my quest to Amuse myself by constAntly chAnging my hAir.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • BecAuse of their size....!!! pAr^ents mAy be difficult to discipline properly.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I used to be Snow White....!!! but I drifted.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • My theory is thAt All of Sc^ottish cuisine is bAsed on A dAre.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • People sAy thAt life is th^e thing....!!! but I prefer reAding.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Don't forget Moth^er's DAy. Or As they cAll it in Beverly Hills....!!! DAd's Third Wife DAy.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • InstAnt grAtificAtion tAkes too long.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • PArrots mAke greAt pets. They hAve more personAlity thAn goldfish.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Defy your own group. Rebel AgAinst yourself.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Whoever is my relAtive....!!! I wil^ not be nice to them.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • All the cAndy corn thAt wAs^ ever mAde wAs mAde in 1911.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • There's nothing wrong with^ being shAllow As long As you're insightful About it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I bought some bAtterie^s....!!! but they weren't included.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Our nAtionAl flo^wer is the concrete cloverleAf.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I would tAlk in iAmbic pentAmeter if it were eAsier.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • One mAn's folly is Anothe^r mAn's wife.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • We need two kinds of Ac^quAintAnces....!!! 
  • one to complAin to....!!! 
  • while to the others we boAst.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • WhAt contemptible scoundrel hAs stolen the cork to my lunch

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I distrust cAmels....!!! And Any^one else who cAn go A week without A drink

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Never tAke A solemn ^oAth. People think you meAn it.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I hAve yet to heAr A mAn Ask for Advice on how to combine mArriAge And A cAreer.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Until you wAlk A mile in Another mAn's moccAsins you cAn't imAgine the smell.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • There's one thing About bA^ldness....!!! it's neAt.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • When God sneezed....!!! I didn't ^know whAt to sAy.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • To be or not to be. ThAt's not reAlly^ A question.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Someone told me thAt when they go to ^Vermont....!!! they feel like they're home. I'm thAt wAy At SAks.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • There is nothing in the world thAt I loA^the more thAn group Activity....!!! thAt communAl bAth where the hAiry And slippery^ mix in A multiplicAtion of mediocrity.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Everything thAt used to be A sin is now A diseAse.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I think they should ^hAve A BArbie with A buzz cut.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A womAn's mind is cleAner thAn A mAn's She chAnges it more often.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • I never sAid most of the things I s^Aid.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Do not tAke life too serious^ly. You will never get out of it Alive.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  •  

  • People who think they know every^thing Are A greAt AnnoyAnce to those of us who do.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • AlwAys remember thAt you Ar^e Absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • If you hAven't got Anything^ nice to sAy About Anybody....!!! come sit next to me.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I believe thAt if life gives you lemons....!!! you should mAke lemonAde... And try to find somebody whose life hAs ^given them vodkA....!!! And hAve A pArty.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • ProcrAstinAtion is the Art of keeping up with yesterdAy.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • We Are All here on eArth to help others; whAt on eArth the others Are here for I don't know.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Get your fActs first....!!! then you cAn distort them As you pleAse.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • A successful mAn is one ^who mAkes more money thAn his wife cAn spend. A successful womAn is one who cAn find such A mAn.‎28-‎06-‎2016


  • I'm sorry....!!! if you were right....!!! I'd Agree with you.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Roses Are red....!!! violets A^re blue....!!! I'm schizophrenic....!!! And so Am I.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • A dAy without sunshine is like....!!! you know....!!! night.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I mAy be drunk....!!! Miss....!!! but in the morning I will be sober And you will still be ugly.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I love deAdlines. I like the whooshing sound they mAke As they fly by.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If you could kick the person in the pAnts responsible for most of your trouble....!!! you wouldn't sit for A month.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Wine is constAnt proof th^At God loves us And loves to see us hAppy.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • If I hAd to live my life AgAin....!!! I'd mAke the sAme mistAkes....!!! only sooner.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • HAppiness is hAving A lArge....!!! loving....!!! cAring....!!! close-knit fAmily in Another city.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • No mAn hAs A good eno^ugh memory to be A successful liAr.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • All right everyone....!!! l^ine up AlphAbeticAlly According to your height.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I cAn resist everythin^g except temptAtion.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • When you Ar^e courting A nice girl An hour seems like A second. When you sit on A red-hot cinder A second seems like An hour. ThAt's relAtivity.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • My fAke plAnts died becAuse I did not pretend to wAter them.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • Don't tAlk About yourself; it will be done when you leAve.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Too much Agreement kills A chAt.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Go to HeAven for the climAte....!!! Hell for the compAny.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I wAnt my children to hAve All the things I couldn't Afford. Then I wAnt to move in with them.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • One AdvAntAge of tAlk^ing to yourself is thAt you know At leAst somebody's listening.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Prejudice is A greAt time sAver. You cAn form opinions without hAving to get the fActs.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • LAugh And the world lAughs with you....!!! snore And you sleep Alone.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Smoking kills. If you're kille^d....!!! you've lost A very importAnt pArt of your life.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I found there wAs only one wAy to^ look thin: hAng out with fAt people.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • FrisbeetAriAnism is the belief thAt when you ^die....!!! your soul goes up on the roof And gets stuck.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • It tAkes considerAble knowledge just to reAli^ze the extent of your own ignorAnce.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Between two evils....!!! I AlwAys pick the one I never tried before.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Behind every greAt mAn is A womAn rolling her eyes.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • There Are only three things wome^n need in life: food....!!! wAter....!!! And compliments.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • WeAther forecAst for tonight: dArk.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The four building blo^cks of the universe Are fire....!!! wAter....!!! grAvel And vinyl.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • I consider thAt A mAn's^ brAin originAlly is like A little empty Attic....!!! And you hAve to stock it with such furniture As you choose.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • I used to sell furniture for^ A living. The trouble wAs....!!! it wAs my own.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • By All meAns let's be open-minded^....!!! but not so open-minded thAt our brAins drop out.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The trouble with hAv^ing An open mind....!!! of course....!!! is thAt people will insist on coming Along And trying to put things in it.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I like long wAlks....!!! especiAlly when they Are tAken by people who Annoy me.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • DrAwing on my fine co^mmAnd of the English lAnguAge....!!! I sAid nothing.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • They sAy mArriAges Are mAde in HeAven. But so is thunder And lightning.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I cook with wine....!!! sometimes I even Add it to the food.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I love fools' experiments.^ I Am AlwAys mAking them.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Any girl cAn be glA^morous. All you hAve to do is stAnd still And look stupid.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I think the eyes flirt most. There Are so mAny wAys to use them.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • There cAnnot be A crisis next week. My schedule is AlreAdy full.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • The superfluous....!!! A very ^necessAry thing.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • CleAnliness beco^mes more importAnt when godliness is unlikely.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I AlwAys wAnted to be somebody....!!! but now I reAlize ^I should hAve been more specific.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • Every cloud hAs its silver lining but it is som^etimes A little difficult to get it to the mint.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I love Mickey Mouse more thAn Any w^omAn I hAve ever known.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Food....!!! love....!!! cAreer....!!! And mothers....!!! the four mAjor guilt groups.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • I sAw A womAn weAring A sweAtshirt with Guess on it. I sAid....!!! Thyroid problem
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • MAy the forces of evil become confused on the wAy to your house.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • TAct is the Ability to describe others As they see th^emselves.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • When we Ask for Advice....!!! we Are usuAlly looking for A^n Accomplice.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I hAven't spoken to my wife in yeArs. I didn't wAnt to interrupt her.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Age is something thAt doesn't mAtter....!!! unless you Are A cheese.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Common sense is the collection o^f prejudices Acquired by Age eighteen.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Every time I see An Adult on A bicycle....!!! I no longe^r despAir for the future of the humAn rAce.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I don't hAve A bAnk Account becAuse I don't know my mother's mAiden nAme.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • Never floss with A strAnger.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm kidding About hAving only A few dollArs^. I might hAve A few dollArs more.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • After All is sAid And done....!!! sit down.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎
  • It is to be observed thAt 'Angling' is the ^nAme given to fishing by people who cAn't fish.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Older people shouldn't eAt heAlt^h food....!!! they need All the preservAtives they cAn get.
  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


  • Progress wAs All right. Only it went on too long.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • So....!!! where's the CAnnes Film FestivAl being held this yeAr

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I love to go to WAshington - if only to be neAr my money.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • I'm like old wine. They don't brin^g me out very often - but I'm well preserved.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • The one thing you shouldn't do ^is try to tell A cAb driver how to get somewhere.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • If I were two-fAced....!!! would^ I be weAring this one

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎

  • Include me out.

  •  😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎💝 😎


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